A632.6.3.RB The High Cost of Conflict_Reyes,Cassandra

Reflect on a personal or business situation in which the cost of conflict was significantly greater than you would've preferred. Analyze the situation in relation to Stewart Levine's 10 principles of new thinking (p. 46). How would this have changed the situation? Could it have reduced the cost of conflict? What lessons did you learn from this exercise?

            My mother and I have always had a volatile relationship. For as long as I can remember we argued and were constantly at each other’s throats bickering and trying to prove who was right and who was wrong. I was the daughter so of course I was always wrong. Through my adolescence I found myself seeking love and acceptance from my friends and their families. I had no doubt that my mother loved me, but for whatever reason it was, we couldn’t get our relationship to a positive place. She felt as though she tried and I felt I had tried too many times to count. When I became a teenager, the relationship got worse over time and once I was ready for college, I opted to move out of state to pursue my education, but mostly to get away from home. I was happy to be leaving and hoped that once I was gone my relationship with my mother would somehow fix itself through the distance.

            As I worked my way through college it appeared that my mine and my mother’s relationship got worse. We talked less but fought more. It was unreal. I couldn’t understand the constant conflict. Once I finished college, got married and had my first daughter, I told myself, this is it. We will have more in common, we will know what to say to each other and we will finally have a good relationship. Wrong. Wrong and Wrong. When my mother came to visit after the birth of my daughter everything took a turn for the worst. She came into my home and began to critique everything about my life. What I was doing wrong, what I needed to do right and continuously asking me why I didn’t do this or that and so on. I had taken as much as I could and I finally exploded.

I ranted and raved on how negative she was and asked why she just couldn’t be a positive person. She moved on to insult myself and my choices and when the argument was finally done we had nothing left to say to one another. We had both crossed the line and that was it. Our relationship had been challenged and we had failed to recognize the desperate need of resolution. Instead of banding together, we drew each other further apart. We didn’t talk for months afterwards and in all honestly I didn’t mind that much, it was nice not to have to argue for once. While the silence was rewarding in some ways it was debilitating in others. I now had a daughter. What would I tell her about me and my mother’s relationship and what would my relationship with my daughter be? Would we have the same issues? Would we be different? I didn’t know the questions of what was to come for us, but I knew I needed to start building a relationship with my own mother in order to make sure that I didn’t move forward in making the same mistakes with my relationship with my daughter.

            After reading Stewart Levine's 10 principles of new thinking I started to recognize some of the steps that I could take to aid with bettering me and my mother’s relationship. Creating a partnership is extremely important to bettering my relationship with my mother. We need to learn to stop battling one another and band together to become a cohesive unit. We need to learn to create efficient agreements and collaborate on the ones where we may not be seeing eye to eye. While we may not have the same vision, we somehow need to see the “forest between the trees.”

            Forming long term collaborations is another step in the right direction of creating a healthier relationship with my mother. If we could just find a way to think of what minor changes could lead to long term changes then that would make our short term disagreements less frequent as we would be working on the bigger issue at hand. We needed to be teammates and act as friends instead of enemies. If we were the last two on earth, we’d only have each other. The world shouldn’t need to have to come to an end for us to figure out how much we need each other.

            Relying on feelings and intuition is a very important aspect of fixing our relationship as it allows my mother and I the ability look beyond the five senses and really feel and become in tune with what needs to be resolved and how to go amongst that resolution. If we share what we are feeling and allow each other to be there for one another then we can both start to feel as though the other cares enough to be there for the other. This principle is important as it opens up a world of emotion for each of us to consider when giving and receiving the affection we are both looking for.

            I think in using the above listed principles and many more from the principles of new thinking list, my mother and I could both start to take the steps that are necessary to build a relationship with one another. While I realize that it is important for me to stop being so guarded with my mother, I mostly learned that building our relationship is a team effort to which both of our dedication is needed. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my mother and part of the reason I am successful is because she was so hard on me to make the right decisions. She never wanted to see me fail and in turn failed to see how our own relationship was failing. While some things may be hard to let go of, I know that it is my job to let go of all the bad so I can make room for some of the good.

Cassandra R.

A632.5.5.RB Protected Values in Decision Making_Reyes,Cassandra

Reflect on the concept map that you created in the previous exercise and consider the Dan Gilbert video from module one. Discuss your protected values and how far you are willing to go to support those values. Explore the level of protection associated with each of your major values identified in the concept map and detail your thoughts on each. Finally, discuss how those protected values would influence your decision-making.

                Protected values are those that offer moral values and reasoning. As the Wharton text states “Values are distinct from preferences, utility, desires and attitudes. The distinction are by no means universally agreed upon but we propose some distinguishing characteristics, in hopes of better clarifying what we mean by value.” Values are intended to be explicit and reflective to the holder and are imperative as they offer the necessary judgments it may take to suggest valuable and favorable outcomes. While preference sometimes goes hand in hand with values, it also presents an inconsistency and contradiction to the true and protected values some people hold.

            The values that are most important to me are my family, health and job. While these values may seem simple to some, in my personal opinion these three things assist with creating a foundation for my present and the future of my family. While values such as healthcare and economical reform might be important to others, I believe that without a clear set foundation to begin with, there would be no room for values such as these. Therefore, I am willing to do everything I can to continue to create and build a foundation for myself and my family to ensure that our futures are set on a path that is more than likely to produce favorable valuable outcomes.

            Family is a protected value of mine as it is my sole reason for living. I do my best to make decisions that will enhance the positive experiences my family encounters and try to present outcomes to my husband and daughter that will fall in their favor. Family is the glue that holds everything together and in turn should be treated in such a manner that offers the most minute of details to be considered. If family was not on my list of protected values I feel as though I would not have a solid foundation to work off of that would keep me motivated to continue to better myself and the choices that I make on a daily basis. I must admit I am a little over protective when it comes to my family as I feel an instinct to care for and nurture them as best as I can for as long as I am able to.

            Health is also a protected value of mine as good health allows for us to function properly and prevent poor health and disease. Things as simple as an improper diet and an unhealthy lifestyle can cause issues such as mental stress which can lead to feelings of depression or anxiety. The benefits of a healthy lifestyle include energy, happiness, and living free of any disorders that may cause you to feel otherwise. Good health helps you to stay motivated and active and allows you to view life’s perspectives in more of a positive manner. Before my daughter I wasn’t too concerned with living a healthy lifestyle however, after her birth I was instantly hit with the realization that my health was one of the most important things I needed to concentrate on as I wanted to be around long enough to see her grow into being her own woman.

            Work is my final protected value and the reason is because it allows an outlet for me to be creative and think outside the box. My job offers me the ability to be challenged and hard working and to grow and learn every day I am there. While work presents opportunities for advancement and career development, it also presents the ability for my family and I to live the lives we do. My husband and I work very hard not just to tap into our creative outlets, but it also assist us in a variety of financial means. Our jobs help us to keep a roof over our family’s head, put food in our stomachs, but more importantly offers our daughter a place of sanctuary and contentment. A place she knows will always be a safe haven for her. With the economy the way it is, we are lucky to hold such wonderful jobs with an amazing university and don’t take it for granted as there are many others in the world who are struggling with the very things we hold sacred to our hearts.

            My protected values are dear to my heart and while simple they allow me to make decisions that I know will be in the best interest of both me and my family. As the Wharton text states “when faced with a particular decision, we are called upon to figure out what general values are implicated and then weigh these values to maximize utility. This process is difficult when the implicated values are emotional or if two or more values conflict in a way that is not easily resolved.” As I hold my protected values close to me it is imperative that the decisions I make are consistent and relative to the outcomes that will have a direct affect on those closest to me. Ensuring that tradeoffs are not proposed into my decision making will allow me to make decisions that do not compromise my beliefs or those of the ones I love.

Cassandra R.

                                                                   References

Hoch, S. J., & Kunreuther, H. C. (2005). Wharton on making decisions. (1st edition.). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons Inc.

A632.4.5.RB Deception in Negotiations_Reyes,Cassandra

During the course of negotiations, people often misrepresent information to gain at least a temporary advantage. For example, a seller may fabricate existence of another interested buyer or a buyer may misrepresent the price and availability of an item from a different vendor. Reflect on deceptions in negotiations and describe four ways to evaluate information during negotiations. Relate an example of a recent negotiation in which you have been misled and one in which you may have overstated a claim.; define how far you would be willing to go to leverage your position.

Negotiations are a part of everyday life. When I think about my daily routine, I can’t even count how many times I actually may be negotiating my place. First thing in the morning I am already making negotiations with my husband and vice versa. I’ll changer her diaper, if you give her a bath.” I will rinse the dishes if you put them in the dish washer.” Even more I count how many times I try and negotiate with my 7 month daughter who probably has no idea what I am saying most of the time. “Mommy will give you some ice cream if you can just say Mama, say Mama” or “Mommy’s so tired hunny, if you go to bed we can all take a nice fun loooong nap together.” Negotiations are constantly made at work as well. My boss always says he is scared when I get up from my chair to walk in his office because he knows I will have something for him to do. “So I was wondering if there was a way to better our communication with the Registrar’s department in regards to the HEOM prospects. If we can come up with something to better initiate the application process, I promise to take the project head on myself.”

The truth about negotiations is that it happens constantly but during the process of negotiating it is also very common to know that many times people may be misrepresenting themselves or their information. While lies of omission and lies of commission are both committed, it is important for us to understand that the information provided to us may not always be accurate. “In addition to distinguishing between lies of omission and lies of commission, lies can also be classified according to the type of information represented. (Wharton 2001)” Therefore, it is imperative that individuals take the time to listen, negotiate their own terms if possible and then make decisions that they feel would benefit them best based off of what they know and not what they are being told.

Examples of the classification of lies include a negotiator’s  misrepresentation of their reservation prices, interests, intentions, and material facts. While this list is important to consider when negotiating, it is also important to remember that lies are also categorized according to the object of the lie. “Lies can be told about oneself, about the target, about another person, or about an object or event. Finally, we can distinguish between lies according to whether the primary motivation of the lie is to promote one’s own interests, or to promote someone else’s interests. (Wharton 2001).”

In order to evaluate information during negotiations we should try a number of tactics in order to ensure that the information we are receiving is valuable, correct and beneficial to the decision we are looking to make. Before negotiating, individuals should prepare a variety of questions that they would like to ask. A good tactic is to ask the question in different forms or to ask similar questions multiple times. They should also evaluate the motivations of their negotiators by checking to see what their goals and incentives are. Considering the setting of the negotiator is also key in verifying whether or not they are more or less likely to misrepresent themselves. Checking for nonverbal cues, and different media for interaction such as video conferencing, email, and phone can also detect whether or not negotiators are more likely to use deception.

In order to ensure that the negotiation will move forward the way it should, negotiators should establish trust, ask direct questions and listen carefully to the information being provided. Paying attention to non verbal cues and keeping record of things in writing is also a great way to ensure that the information being provided does not change as plans to go through with the negotiation come to a close. After negotiations have been completed, it is vital that the previous steps listed are followed again. Letting your guard down is one way for negotiators to take advantage of future business with you. Therefore, build a questionable trust, where the process above is completed in a thorough manner to ensure the likelihood of deception is low.

One example of a situation where I have been misled was when an old co worker of mine was hired. The co worker had informed my bosses and team that he had previous knowledge of the University, systems we used, and was well versed in our SOC (Service Members Opportunity Colleges contract. I immediately knew there was an issue with the new hire the minute I started to train him. He was having extreme difficulty with how to move through the systems and was asking questions in retrospect he should have known already. Due to his military and background his “experience” with SOC, he should have been able to jump onto the team and put his efforts into the military members who fell under this contract. Instead, our prospects and SOC students were not being assisted and falling through the loop.

My team and I were frustrated. For three months we were left with extra work and agitated students. When our co worker came to us the fourth month he was there and informed us he would be leaving to another department, I have to admit my team and I were not the least bit surprised or disappointed. It was almost a relief for us to be losing a team member as he had brought so many issues to our team. Upon his departure, the team started to rebuild and we actually worked best without him. We created a flow that would work for a team of three and found that a team of three wasn’t so bad after all. This experience taught us all about the importance of recognizing the effects misrepresentation can have on our team and department as a whole.

A time when I overstated a claim was when I told my husband that I “kind of” messed up his computer. I was working on my husband’s computer one day and after a long while on Pinterest and a few of my other girly favorite sites, I opened a link and the computer had crashed. I thought to fix it I would need to shut the computer down and then re start it and that would be it. I was wrong. I could not get the computer to start at all. I called my husband and said. I think I “kind of” messed up your computer knowing full well that it wasn’t working at all. My husband said okay and that he would come home and fix it. When he got home he tried everything to get the computer to work. Nothing worked. As savvy as he was with technology he could not figure out what the issue was. He hoped it was not the hard drive as his warranty was up. He took it to IT the next day and of course the hard drive had crashed.

I could tell my husband was upset and tried his best not to say anything to me. He had to send his computer out and pay a fairly large fee for the computer to be fixed. On top of that they had found a crack on the screen from when I had accidentally pressed to hard on the screen from trying to fix the computer myself. He was hit with another fee and the computer was sent on its way. My husband did not say much the whole drive home. Not only were we out a few hundred bucks but he didn’t understand why I would use his computer instead of my own. He had all his schoolwork and software systems on that computer and now he would be behind for the next few days or up late having to go to the lab at school.

I apologized to him over and over and said how sorry I was. He said it was fine but I could tell how upset he really was. I had told him over the phone that it was nothing to worry about knowing the computer had crashed and may not have been fixable. The reason I had told him it wasn’t as bad as it was, was because I didn’t want him to be upset, however I should have been a bit more honest from the beginning and told him that I had messed his computer up and it may cost him time and money to get it working again.

In the long run my husband’s computer had crashed and was not recoverable. In the next three months the hard drive continued to crash. In order to make it up to him I bought him a whole new computer that he had been looking into. He was surprised and ecstatic to have a new computer and to be done with the headache of the old one. His last negotiation with me, was that unless I was completing schoolwork of some sort on his computer that I would use my own for entertainment purposes. I agreed to his negotiation and he has not had any issues since.

It is amazing how many negotiations we all may make in a day without intentionally meaning to. When I think of it now, my whole life is full of negotiations. However it is with these negotiations that our lives are made possible. Negotiations allow for us to view our options and make deals on what may work best for us either in the moment or in the long run. Without negotiating skills it can be easy for one to succumb to the lies of those who do not have our best interest at heart and who are trying to purposely cause deceit. Therefore it is important for each of us to practice our own negotiating skills and challenge the skills of others.

                                                                 References

Hoch, S. J., & Kunreuther, H. C. (2005). Wharton on making decisions. (1st edition.). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons Inc

Cassandra R.

A632.3.4.RB Reflections on Decision Making_Reyes, Cassandra

Shoemaker and Russo discuss the hazards associated with "frame blindness" and how to guard against it. Discuss three ways you can avoid "framing traps" and provide a detailed example of each from your life experience. Could you have framed each situation differently? What did the exercise teach you about complex decision-making? What additional tools or "frames" would've helped you through the process? How much "risk" do you feel was in your recommendation? What did you learn about yourself through this exercise?

            Frame blindness exists when we are unaware of our very own frames. Unfortunately, many of us look at the conflicts we face in one way instead of looking at it from a variety of ways. Most of the time, this mistake is unintentional and in making this mistake many people operate form outdated frames. In order to assist with the correction of this issue we need to concentrate in looking into what causes frame blindness and the steps we can take in order to correct the conflicts we are continuing to create amongst ourselves.

            The first way to assist with managing frames and avoiding the traps that frames provide us is to see the frame by conducting a frame audit. In order to audit a frame we need to first surface the frames, understand the frames of others, and appreciate emerging frames. One example where I had to conduct a frame audit was when my manager had hired a new employee in which I did not agree with his choice. The new hire was rude, condescending and lazy. I could not understand for the life of me what my boss had seen in him and why he would ever hire such an individual. My frame audit consisted of trying to open my eyes to see what my boss may have liked in this individual. While I disliked the guy, many people seemed to think he was charismatic. I watched him over the next few months and while he was lazy, he was very much like a car salesman. He knew exactly what to say to others to make them feel good and bring them on board with things. I instantly knew how he made it through the interview process. It was clear he was good at talking his way through things.

            I tried to understand how my bosses frame of mind in bringing this person onto our team and decided to put myself in his shoes. The new hire was personable and friendly and while he was rude and condescending to me, he did not appear to be that way with students. In actuality he was able to bring students on board, get them excited about their degrees and have them submit an application. It was clear that this individuals issues were not with our customers, however he had a difficult time being placed in a team environment and taking direction from others. Once I understood why he was hired, I began to appreciate my manager’s ability to look past the discrepancies of his personality that I clearly saw. My manager’s frame of mind was able to detect traits that I was unable to at first and while I did not agree with his choice, I could not help but respect it.

            The second way to avoid framing is to identify and change inadequate frames. To do this we must check and see if our frames are effective, observe the symptoms of frame misfit, question our reference points, and recognize your key assumptions. There have been many times where I have had to identify my own frame of mind and change them; however my example revolves around a current co worker of mine. My coworker is a great friend however due to her motherly nature she has on occasion made me feel as though she is talking to a child. While she is a few years older than me our personal and professional lives are similar in nature, providing us a pretty level playing field, however due to our four year age difference she tends to act as though she knows more than I do. While I try not to take this to heart it is sometimes difficult as in my opinion it does not matter how old you are to have many life experience.

            One day my friend asked if there was anything I ever wanted to tell her I could. I decided to speak up or forever hold my peace. “I feel as though you speak to me like I am a child and sometimes in a condescending manner.”The words had come out and I instantly wondered why I had said anything. “Really?”my friend answered? “Yes” I said. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry” my friend replied. She proceeded to tell me that she was only trying to help me with some of the issues I had been having as she had experienced them herself and wished she had someone to talk to when she was going through them. She figured since she did not have anyone at the time, she almost felt a duty to help me as best as she could. She didn’t want me to make the same mistakes she did and wanted to see me happy in the choices that I made and therefore laid her opinions and suggestion on the table pretty thick. Her assumption was if she didn’t help me that she would not be a good friend and that was why she might have come across that way. Interestingly enough, my friend thanked me for telling her. She said she was able to look into herself and be more aware of the way she was coming across. In this scenario my friend was able to check and see if her frames had been effective, observe the symptoms of frame misfit, question her reference points and recognize her assumptions.

            The final way to avoid framing traps is to master techniques for reframing. To accomplish this we must use multiple frames, look for ways to align frames, change metaphors to regain control of a frame, challenge others reference points, sketch a frame, build new frames for new situations and speak to other frames. A great example of this is therapy. My friend and her husband are currently seeking marriage counseling, while they have a good marriage they thought they could make it better if they were able to better communicate with one another. Their counselor discussed each of their frame of mind and how each individual sent and received messages. The biggest thing they learned through counseling is that each individual has a different language of love. What is important to one may not be significant to another and how one may show affection may not be the same as how another may show it.

            My friend and her husband learned that each of them have different opinions and viewpoints and they each needed to find a way to merge their frame of mind so they could better understand and communicate with one another. They learned that in order to achieve better communication they needed to change the way they thought by looking at their spouse’s frame of mind without judgment or fear and challenge each other with respect. They also needed to get rid of their old frame of thought and build new ones together where they would be able to effectively interact with one another in a positive and welcoming environment. My friend has told me that counseling has been such a great experience for them both and has made their marriage that much stronger just by being able to better understand each other. Therefore, I have considered pursuing marriage counseling with my husband so we can achieve the same results. It is interesting to see how one’s frame of mind can cause conflict with another, but the opening up of that mind can make all the difference.

            I think each example has the opportunity to be framed differently. I believe that if the effort is put in to open up your mind to something, a different viewpoint is always possible and can most of the time produce better more effective outcomes. I think that the exercise taught me that surfacing frames, identifying them and developing and creating new frames is a lengthy process that is not easily achieved. I think that different frames, perceptions, viewpoints, or opinions, make the process extremely difficult in being able to better the outcomes of our differences as it can be hard to change our train of thought.

            Other tools I could have used to help me through the process would have been; focus on the objective, identify all constraints, analysis of assumptions, reference point analysis and prospective hindsight. I believe that use of each of these strategies can better assist me with making better choices and being able to open up my mind to new viewpoint that I didn’t think was possible. Through my choices I feel as though I have offered a certain amount of risk; however I do not feel it was extensive. I tend to play it safe most of the time so in actuality I think that I should probably take more risk with any recommendations I may offer in the future.

            Lastly, I believe what I learned most is something that I already knew. Life itself is a work in progress. I am always trying to better myself and make better choices, for myself and my family in both a professional and personal regard. I was reminded that change is not easy and that it takes a strong individual to stay dedicated to something that is important to them. Changing someone perspective can be a tasking, difficult, lengthy process but I have learned that it can also be rewarding. I think the biggest lesson I learned from this exercise is to stick with any changes I am looking to make because as frustrating as it may be to accomplish, the benefits reaped from the change can offer amazing, life changing results.

Cassandra R.